THOUGHTS  ON ETIQUETTE IN AMERICA
for
IN-FORMAL and FORMAL DINNERS

Page 3

FINAL THOUGHTS AND CONSIDERATIONS

It is so much easier to learn and know what to do and say. The true difficulty is to know what to avoid.

there is the most delicate shade of difference and distinction between civility and intrusiveness, familiarity and common-place, pleasantry and sharpness, the natural and the rude, gaiety and carelessness. It is a great art of man or lady to define these distinctions and conduct themselves worth of a host or hostesses praise.

LEARN FROM OTHERS WELL ACCEPTED IN SOCIAL GROUPS

magnetism, a tact acquired by frequent and long associating with others WHO POSSESS THOSE qualities which keep one always from error, and entitle him to the name of a gentleman and to the woman or girl to the name of lady.

A man should select those persons who are most celebrated for the propriety and
elegance of their manners. He or she should frequent their company and imitate their conduct. There is a disposition inherent, in all, which has been noticed to imitate faults, because they are more readily observed and more easily followed. There are, also, many refinements of affectation, which sit agreeably upon one man or woman, which if adopted by another would become unpleasant. There are even some excellences of deportment which would not suit another whose character is different. For successful
imitation in anything, good sense is indispensable.

It is requisite to correctly appreciate the natural differences between your model and yourself, and to introduce such modifications in the copy as may be consistent with your personality and capability to act in the same manner.

Do not imagine that he or she shall easily acquire such artful qualities which constitutes a reference to him as gentleman and she as a lady. Study and imitation with great efforts are a requirement.

It is necessary not only to exert the highest degree of art, but to attain also that higher accomplishment of concealing art. The serene and elevated dignity which mark that character of quality. These accomplishments are the result of grace and arduous effort.

Polite without importunity, gallant without being offensive, attentive to the comfort of all and employing a well-regulated kindness, witty at the proper times, discreet, indulgent, generous, and a high degree of moral authority is a artful challenge to achieve.

THE DINNER

The hour of dinner has been said to be the most important hour in a civilized life. The elegance for an etiquette dinner and dinner table has a prominence with the dignity of a special ceremony.

The period of time which the social gathering  precedes the dinner is proportioned to the grandeur of the occasion, and varies dependent upon host or hostess intention for the event.

Always be attentive to the hour of feast and in accordance with what beverages and or alcohol may be served. It will be important to sip gently on any cocktail or liquors if dinner will not be served within a short period of time. The offense of becoming inebriated and causing any disturbance or upsetting the other guests, host or hostess will be an event you may wish you never attended. In addition, you may never have another chance to enjoy more invitations for dinners of elegance.

Under any circumstances do not provide negative comment on the dinner or any item served, whether it be food or beverage. Be at your best when eating what item you may not like. Simply eat it and do not comment at all. Eat slowly without any attention brought to your plate but do not use the fork or knife in any other fashion but truism to etiquette. Do not play in your dinner plate with your utensils. Be agreeable with those that make positive comments only, even if the dinner is far worse than can be imagined.   

Never talk about politics at a dinner table.

It is advantageous to run over in your mind, beforehand, the topics of conversation
which you intend to bring up, and to arrange the manner in which you will introduce them. You may also refresh your general ideas upon the subjects, and run through the details of the few very brief and anecdotes which you are going to repeat. You may also have in readiness one or two phrases or striking words which you will use if the occasion accepts the subject..

Further than this it is dangerous to make much preparation. If you commit to memory of long speeches with the design of delivering them, your conversation will become formal, and you will be negligent of the observations of your company. It will also impair that habit of readiness and quickness which it is necessary to cultivate agreeable subjects.

A gentleman or lady is distinguished as much by his or her composure as by any other quality. A challenge to react and conduct yourself subdued is a true perfection to manners and is not so easy an effort to achieve.

Attempting to never be surprised into an exclamation or being startled by anything. is an exhibition very much admired. Any person, of course, has feelings, but he never allowing exhibition of such exclaimed emotions in a group environment and showing a calmness when others are present will be very difficult, indeed..

It is very difficult to preserve the perfect manners and exact semblance for any gentleman or lady. In order to achieve such showing of character, he or she must be able to throw aside many real feelings when in the presence of others who would not appreciate or who could find such remarks tactless.

Avoid Gossip before during and after Dinner.

Your gossiping conversation will be listened to with interest, but your presence shunned and ridiculed for doing so. You will lose a great deal of trust and the other members attending any event will consider you a threat to their own privacy. Normally, if you will gossip about one person, you will also gossip about another person. You then will obtain the reputation of a 'gossip' and a 'scandal bearer'. You most probably will find your invitations becoming less and less and the word on your defined character spreads throughout the community and groups familiar to you.

The manner in which he or she neglects shrewd behavior is frequently what others will judge us by and then decide for or against us. It will behoove you to recall this prior to any gossiping remarks you intend to speak.

Society is a theatrical stage, upon which you never appear in your own dress nor without an actors symbolic mask. Use the same style of character and keep your real dispositions for your fireside chats or very close relationship moments. Your real character for your private friends should always play out in public as a much different stage.

THE END.


 

New Year's Hangover Brunch
to welcome in the 'NEW'.
A cure to feed your
queasy stomach
with comfort foods.
 

The Use of the
Knife and Fork
are visually focusing
on the Guest
as well as the Host.